Sunday, July 1, 2012

The Two Kinds of Other Women

My inspiration for  The Deception began a few years ago when I happened upon a blog by a psychic reader talking about the questions she's most often asked by clients. One of the questions was, "When will he leave his wife for me?" Needless to say, her post had a lot of comments, and I noticed a trend. It seemed that everyone believed the "other woman" knew he was married, and she's lying if she says she didn't know.

I may not have the credentials to be a relationship expert, but as a romance writer who's also been single for much of my adult life, I can attest to the fact that if experience really is the best teacher, then I must be a relationship expect many times over. It's been my own life observation that there are actually two kinds of other women out there. One is the aforementioned mistress who knew from the get-go he was married, but chose to get involved with him anyway. The other is a good woman who's been deceived. I'm here to talk about the latter.

Typically these are single women looking for a meaningful long-term relationship, or marriage. They happen to meet a seemingly nice man who appears to be single. He's not wearing a wedding ring. He's not mentioning a wife or girlfriend. And, in some cases, a mutual friend also thought he was single. Then, later on, after she's become seriously involved, she finds out he's married. She'll feel just as shocked and betrayed as the wife who's been cheated on, only she gets a double whammy. People will side with the wife, as she's an injured party. And, just like in that psychic's blog, they'll condemn her and say she's lying when she says she thought he was single.

This can be very devastating and it can do untold damage to her self-esteem. She's accused of setting out to intentionally hurt the wife when she didn't know there was a wife. She may be left with some serious trust issues. And in some cases she could have been so manipulated that she really does believe he'll leave his wife for her--someday. And sometimes he does. However, it's been my observation that most of these guys are players. They want to have their fun, but they have no intention of ever leaving their wives. After all, their wife is their safety net in case the other woman decides to get serious.

The Deception is the story of a good woman who meets up with such a player. He comes into her life at a time when she's emotionally vulnerable, and he intentionally leads her to believe that he's single too. It doesn't take long, however, for her to realize that something isn't adding up. Unfortunately for her, by the time she ends the relationship the damage has been done and she's left to deal with the unintended consequences. While my story may be fiction, I'm sorry to say that real-life versions of it happen everyday. The point I'm making with this book is to not to judge others too harshly.  Sometimes people simply aren't who they appear to be.


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